Merry Christmas...

Christmas was so wonderful!!! On Christmas Eve my entire family came over for dinner and presents. I couldn't have been happier that my sister and brother-in-law decided to come over. Buddy had such a great time with his cousins.

Christmas day was relaxed. We had breakfast at a friend's house and then spent the rest of the day at home playing with all the new toys Buddy got. By the way, why do manufacturers have to wire each piece of toy to the cardboard box? HAHA

The next day the husband and I took Buddy up to Mountain High to go TUBING! Oh my did we have so much fun!!!! Buddy loved it and wanted to go faster. Once we were done we went to lunch and came home.

If I do say so myself, we have had quite the holiday! Too much fun!!

In the mist of all the fun, I thought that the husband had misjudged the future. However, today when I got home from the mall we had another conversation about it. We talked about separation, money, bills, belongings, etc. and it was good. He asked if I was still leaning towards a separation, and I said yes. He doesn't understand but I still feel that this is for the best, for me and eventually for Buddy.

Anyways, I think he found an Extended Stay in a near by city that he is going to stay at for a couple of months. This way he doesn't have to take or buy anything for an apartment or take belongings from our house and it gives a little less disruption for Buddy. He will come to our house to see Buddy and I. We can set a schedule. He doesn't want to rent an apartment or get stuck in a lease until we (or I) decide it is permanent and heading towards divorce.

I also told him that I feel good about where we are at the moment, friends. But that is not a marriage. He reminded me that he doesn't want to be friends but to be married. I know he wants sex and to be intimate but I reminded him that I am not in that place right now. He at least admitted that if we can't be intimate then we shouldn't be married.

Ups and downs, ups and downs...Ugh. I hate the feeling that I am doing this to my son...changing his world forever. But I was reminded today that every decision I make is for Buddy. Guilt is just so ugly.