Change is Here...

Ahhhh...my busy month is done! I can't even begin to tell you how busy this month was for me and its DONE!!!

I feel like 10 pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.

I don't have to put up with bull shit from work, the drama fundraiser is over, and Buddy's birthday party is done. If only you could see the smile on my face!

However, change is here. I don't have painting to keep myself busy every weekend...I don't have crazy work meetings...Its just me and this new life!

I know Martin moved out a couple of months ago but it's been crazy busy! Now things are going to slow down and I can focus on having a relationship with myself. I am completely excited!!!

If you haven't come across a blog called Mely Speaks, then you are missing out! She just started a challenge called, The Fabulously Single Project, and each week she is going to give out challenges and just talk about how the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Check out her blog...you won't regret it!!

http://melyspeaks.com/

This is where I am getting some much needed inspiration!!

100,001 Reasons...

I know this doesn't mean anything to anyone but me...

However, I have reached number 100,001 reason why I am happy with the decisions I have made with my relationships at home AND at work.

Really fuckers?! I do have an opinion!!!!! My opinion matters!!!!! I just think you don't want to hear what my logical brain has to say to you!

Have fun on your fucking high horse, I am DONE!!!

It's Been Too Long...

It's been long since I last posted!!!

Life has been crazy and so exciting. I don't even know where to begin.

First, my house. My sister and mom have been helping me to vamp up the house. We have been painting, decorating, and moving furniture on the weekends and some weeknights for almost a month now. But I am so excited to say that its done!! Now I have purchased a couple of decorative items but it is a work in progress. However, thank God for my family. They have been amazing!

Secondly, I love what life lessons I have been learning through my separation. Here are a couple of the lessons learned...

-I'm an independent woman. I can get shit done and if I need help I'll ask for it!

-My son is amazing. He'll be 3 next week!

-Good friends will not judge you, they'll just be there to listen and help if you need it. But if you really take a step back and look at the friendships you have, you'll see which ones matter most and which ones are fake. I am focusing on the friendships that matter.

-Everyone has problems and to them its just as big as yours. No need to compare...although it's REALLY difficult not to. (I'm still working on this)

-Work is work. For me I am realizing that right NOW, it's just work. Someday I hope to have more of my aspirations back but for now, work is just a small piece of my puzzle.

-Family is what's important.

-Let the small stuff go.


It's just wonderful to be able to say that I am happy. I couldn't say that two months ago or do I remember the last time I felt this way. I know it sounds cheesy but that's how I feel.

Mommy I Need You..

"Mommy I need you," was the statement of the day.

To start with in the middle of the night Buddy woke up crying and screaming, "I want my mommy!" I took him to use the bathroom and then just had to hold him tight for him to realize that I was in fact THERE. After he stopped crying I just took him to bed with me because I felt bad. Did he think he was at his dad's house? Or was it a fluke accident? I don't know.

But then today, he kept it up. By constantly asking me to hold him or saying, "Mommy I need you." Hell, I wouldn't have even walk out of the room for 10 seconds and he would ask, "Where's my mommy? Where did she go? I don't see her."

Where is my independent little man?

I love that he needs me, but I start to question his motives on this day. Was he worried that I was going to leave? Did he ask for me at his dad's house and since I wasn't there was worried? Are his reactions due to staying at his dad's house for the first time? Our separation? Is this the start of different behavior after staying at his dad's house? The thoughts are endless.

I don't know. All I know is that I am here for my son, no matter what!! He is my world and there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't know this.

I love you Buddy!!

Making the Home ALL Mine...

It's been one whole week since Martin moved out...ahhh.

What a BUSY week!!! OMG, I thought it would never end and now the weekend is going way too fast!!!

Last night was the first time Buddy stayed the night at his dad's. He was so excited and I was happy to have sometime to myself. I even had a night out with the girls!! It was a bit difficult for me to go to sleep but I got through it. We'll see how it continues..

Anyways, I am totally excited about the projects I have undertaken with my mom and sister. Since Martin moved out, we decided to start fixing the house up and make it completely my own. I rent my grandmother's house, so my kitchen and dining room used to have wallpaper up and it just looked like an old lady's house.

Not anymore!!! Last weekend all the wallpaper came off the walls and today we painted the kitchen! It looks so good and inviting. When my sister and I picked out the color we thought it was going to be a green but those little paint samples don't do anything justice. The color was actually a golden, warm goodness. It's awesome!!

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to put up the new blinds and touch up the edges with paint. Next weekend...move some furniture and start painting the dining room. I'm tired already.

It feels good to make this MY house!!! Martin never let me decorate the way I wanted so I am all excited. Thank God for my sisters help because I am not good at decorating!

My plan is to slowly move through each room, closet, cabinet, etc. through my house!!!

My family is the best!!!!!!!!!